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My Content
Jul 28 2018, 10:31 PM

Okay okay now we got you hooked onto the article from the rather clickbait title it’s time for me to start writing this article cause I’m broke and need more money to be this damn expensive gear

Yesterday Jax Hunter was seen working with D’Aroldis Borkman in Providence. When top notch reporter man Whoop D. D. Scoop asked Hunter why, this is this is this is what he responded: “I was just breaking in some fresh leather with my good pal Borkman. He needed to get some training in before the season against fools and weaklings and I fit the job description pretty well, so I made the flight on my Aviator.”

“I’ll tell you what about Borkman: He’s a crazy good pitcher. According to the scouting report he only throws 💯 MPH, the 🅱️ig 🅱️oyo’s fastball consistently tops 3,000 miles per hour. In fact, he was watching a re run of the office while he was burning my hand like a hot chocolate chicken gizzard on a marshmallow coated ice cream flavored stick.”

“I think it was all worth it though, when Borkman acknowledged my presence. He’s a big man so I don’t know how it was possible for him to not make eye contact for so long. But eventually he gave me one of his hand rolled, elite quality, fresh out of the wrapping, perfectly stuffed, star studded, googly eyed diamond encrusted draped filigreed jade cigars. I almost shed a tear when Borkman sorta smiled at me. OR was it an itch? I don’t know.”

“I’d recommend you to SMASH that MF like button 😤 and subscribe if you haven’t already because I will be giving away a dog drooled premiumly non autographed regular baseball at 261 subscribers. 🎺🎺🎺YEET YEET TRUMPET BOIS IM OUT 🎺🎺🎺🎺 “ said Borkus.

This is so sad, can we get 39558 likes?
Jul 25 2018, 02:19 PM

#6 - Providence crabs

Ok, nothing against crabs but I have something against crabs. First off you should be using this opportunity and the life that Cruise Martinez from Cars 3 gave you to be a meaningful team. Cruise STOPPED DRIVING so you could live.They do have Bovo and timeconsumer but tc blocked me on discord and tlk and Bovo cancel out. So for rn it’s gonna be a no from me dog

#5 - San Antonio scorpinos :Scorpio:

I pray for beaver. Because the scorpions look mediocre and I don’t Thon k it will chanfenson. This team looks old and is probably a good few decent players away from contention. Besides, cosbornballboy managed it once.

#4 - New York Voyager :voyager:

I’m not against playing for this team per se. for example I could bug my dsfl quarterback Joilet l Christ to update in the locker room. Or tamper Bucky Barnes. There’s a lot of potential reasons I would join this team for nsfl scheming or fun and fun.

#3 - Outer Banks Aviators :rindiee:

I hate Rindiee and he’s a big loser. Imagine creating a second baseman and naming him KiSpinach Marmalade. But the rest of the team seems cool and they have a bunch of old NSFL dudes who went inactive who I can bug.

#2 - San Antonio Sloths

Ngl this team looks fun. Also with LaLocke here to take the blame, I could lose games in series all I want and not take the blame as scapegoat. Goodie

#1 - Vancouver Vandals

Wow. An opportunity to bother Bzerkap and iamslm22 at the same time. Besides the five straight rings too. You know I’ll be extremely loyal and a team player until they lose then I snek
Jul 24 2018, 10:18 PM

Dermotland, Ireland — Dermot Smells announced his first sponsorship with Axe deodorant today. “This is a revolutionary moment for me,” Smells said. “Hopefully I can deliver my promise as a role model for many young kiddos and athletes who smell everywhere.” Smells’ contract is a six year deal, structured as the following:

S6: $4,000,000
S7: $6,000,000 *^
S8: $8,000,000 *^
S9: $8,000,000 *#+
S10: $12,000,000 *~%<
S11: $15,000,000 *~%=

*No Movement Clause
^Team Option
#Mutual Opt-Out Clause (Receives half of salary and becomes FA if both teams opt out
+Arbitration Clause
~Player Option
%Dermot Smells Clause (Receives Lifetime Season Tickets if Dermot no longer smells)
<3M Sales Bonus
=5M Sales Bonus
Jul 24 2018, 09:43 PM
Sniff sniff
Jul 24 2018, 08:01 AM
Hello all. To whichever team drafts me, I will only sign on for a large signing bonus. This is because I am selfish and I need to buy @[Dermot] several sticks of deodorant. He ate the one I gave him. That is all. Thank you

Graded / 45 Words
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